Say Hello to Your Friends...
As a child, like many girls, I was OBSESSED with Ann M. Martin’s Baby-sitter’s Club book series. Set in the fictional (I assume) Stoneybrook, Connecticut, the series followed the misadventures of a group of middle school girls who were members of a thriving babysitting business. I had a ton of the books, watched the TV show for much longer than I should have, had the BSC cassette (and not even the soundtrack to the movie, but like random, pretty bad pop songs based on the TV show), and, of course, saw the movie. I had favorite baby-sitters (Kristy and Stacey) and even favorite “charges” (what up Jackie Rodowski!).
The second chapter to each book was always the exact same. The narrator would describe the BSC – its members, its inception, and how meetings and dues work. I remember my sister telling me one time that she never read the second chapter because she already knew it all. I never skipped chapter two, because I am weird about finishing a book, but I definitely understood the temptation.
Anyways, today I write my own chapter two.
The president of the BSC is founder, tomboy, product of divorce, and coach of the Kristy’s Krushers softball team Kristy Thomas. She had her “great idea” one night when her mother could not find a babysitter for her little brother and she called multiple people before finding someone available for the job. Lightbulb! Wouldn’t it be great if you could call one number and reach multiple experienced thirteen year old baby-sitters?! So Kristy rounded up her seemingly only friend Mary Anne and two other girls and the Baby-sitter’s Club was born. Kristy was defined by her tomboyish ways, her large, blended family, and her scrappy and tenacious boss bitch tendencies. Although Kristy was given a semi-boyfriend Bart, who coached his own softball team, there is little doubt that Kristy was at least bi. Because my name is similar and I was also a bit of a tomboy, I loved Kristy.
Claudia Kishi was the VP of the BSC. Claudia earned this high position because she had her own room with her own phone line, which in the ‘80s and ‘90s was basically a license to print money. She was described as “exotic” in no small part because she was Japanese. Claudia was passionate about visual arts and junk food, and she had an eclectic fashion sense. (Several years ago, I saw a blog or a post somewhere comparing Claudia’s described outfits with Sienna Miller’s actual ensembles and it was pretty amazing.) She also had an off the charts genius older sister, which made her constant academic failures all the more embarrassing. Claudia COULD NOT spell to save her life. Whenever Ann M. Martin wrote as Claudia, it was insane. Like, even as a child, I thought that no eighth grader could be that bad at spelling. I distinctly remember her spelling ‘know’’ as “no” – that is a four-letter word that would have been on a first grade spelling test. In retrospect, this storyline was actually a pretty shit example for kids. If Claudia was that bad at spelling, there should have been storylines about her studying for hours with flashcards to learn her spelling words or carrying around a pocket dictionary to double-check her spelling. Don’t wallow in your stupidity, Claud, work to get better. That being said, Claudia was a cool chick and I enjoyed her books.
The BSC’s secretary was shy and kind Mary Anne Spier. Mary Anne was an only child, raised by her over-protective father. Defining characteristics about Mary Anne were: she had a cat named Tigger, she was Kristy’s OG best friend, she had neat handwriting, and she had a boyfriend named Logan. Several books into the series, Mary Anne’s dad married Dawn’s mom, but since I didn’t care for either one, I never read that book. (Or at least, I don’t remember reading it) Her father made her dress like a non-slutty Catholic school girl in plaid skirts, sweaters, pigtails, and loafers. Mary Anne was pretty lame and my theory is that Ann M. Martin gave Mary Anne a boyfriend to keep her from going full-loser. (She, however, did not show such restraint with Mallory… more on her later)
The BSC treasurer was the sophisticated, NYC babe Stacey McGill. Stacey was an only child, whose main points of interest were she was a “city girl” who loved shopping, she liked math, and, of course, she had diabetes. The diabetes thing was perhaps the most ridiculous aspect of the Baby-sitter’s Club. Presumably, Stacey was given a medical condition to not only make her relatable to girls who also had health issues, but also to show young readers that people with health concerns are just like us. However, Stacey’s diabetes was dealt with absolutely no tact. Like no tact AT ALL. You would imagine Kristy introducing Stacey to people by saying, “Hi everyone! This is Stacey! DON’T GIVE HER COOKIES! I repeat this is my diabetic friend Stacey!” Or Claudia would say, “Oh, man! I failed another spelling test. I have the spelling skills of a first grader with a head injury. I can’t even spell sugar! Stacey, don’t forget, you can’t process sugar!” Diabetes aside, though, Stacey was the coolest member of the BSC. In fact, there was at least one book in which Stacey was very appropriately embarrassed by the Baby-sitter’s Club and their zany antics.
Next up is BSC Alternate Officer Dawn Schafer. Dawn was originally from California and went back to California throughout the series. When she first moved to Stoneybrook, Dawn and Mary Anne became best friends, which made Kristy never really like Dawn (which was one of the more realistic story lines). Dawn was really into environmentalism and health food, which in the ‘80s and ‘90s was not common. She dressed in a style that the BSC called “California Casual” which didn’t really mean anything. Because she was from California, she naturally had blonde hair. As previously mentioned, Dawn’s mom married Mary Anne’s dad, so the girls became step-sisters. Dawn was never my favorite, so I read very few Dawn-based books.
The BSC’s junior officer was Jessi Ramsey. Jessi was only eleven years old, so she didn’t get to do full babysitting duties. Jessi was noted for doing ballet, being Mallory Pike’s best friend, and being African American. Jessi served diversity and there were a few racism storylines. I believe that she liked to read about horses, but I’m not entirely sure on that. Jessi had a younger sister and a baby brother who they called Squirt, which I found pretty grating after a while. Give the boy a real name! Overall, Jessi was pretty likable and agreeable.
And finally we reach fellow Junior Officer Mallory Pike… If anyone ever tells you that their favorite member of the BSC is Mallory, they are not, nor will ever be, worth your time. If this was a real person, you would almost feel sorry for her. Mallory had red hair, glasses, AND braces. She had a massive family, including triplet brothers and a younger sister who I distinctly remember called people Silly Billy Goo Goo, which is even more obnoxious than Squirt. In terms of interests, Mallory wanted to be a writer and I think that she liked horse books, too. There was literally nothing cool about Mallory. It was incredibly improbable that Jessi and Mallory would have actually been friends in real life – Jessi was graceful, athletic, and normal; Mallory was lame, and, I always assumed, clumsy. Mallory was created in an attempt to make dorks and losers feel cool. However, first of all, if a girl was reading the BSC books, she most likely fit it okay at school – they were incredibly mainstream. Secondly, what kid wants to read about a loser. You aspire to be like Stacey or Claudia, not fucking Mallory .
And now onto chapter three….
Please note: I stopped reading the BSC books around 1994-5, so I don’t know what happened after that point.
